Husband of tells trad wife of 30 years that 'his' business isn't shared with her: 'I told him I have a meticulous record'

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Jan 17, 2025 3:00 PM EST

There used to be a time when a family could live on a single salary. Can you even imagine it? Just ask your parents or grandparents. Maybe you come from a family where grandma had 4 or 6 kids, all of which were easily fed and clothed on grandpa's salary from being a mechanic or bookkeeper or writer. In these older "traditional" marriages, a woman's job was to stay home and raise the kids. Caring for children is a whole job on it's own! But parents back then also made the kids' clothing from scratch, cooked every meal, and let the kids freely roam the neighborhood with their friends. A marriage was meant to last forever, with the husband caring for his wife and kids using his salary. 

Some women worked, and not every couple stuck to these specific gender roles this strictly. There's sometimes this assumption that traditional wives (aka "trad wives") didn't have much power in their relationships, but that's just not true. Many of them stashed away money to save for emergencies and had a decisive say over what happened in the household. Don't ever underestimate Grandma: she knows exactly what she's doing! 

Up next, read about the flight attendants who clashed with their most entitled passengers, with one saying that "I know there's a call button there, but don't ring it 15 million times."

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10455794432
    via Thomas Curryer on Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    "AITA for keeping score of everything I've ever done for my husband?"

    I'm a woman in my late 50s, married to my husband, early 60s. We've been married for 30 odd years.
    via u/Huge_Association_249
  • 03
    I have fulfilled the role of a 'traditional' wife for much of our marriage, and I left paid work soon into our marriage. My husband is very successful in his business and we live comfortably. All our children are adults now.
    via u/Huge_Association_249
  • 04
    My husband built his business from the ground up, and I was instrumental to the early success which set it up to be what it is today. We were having lunch with our children when my son mentioned that his wife didn't want to be 'trad wife' and do what I did to raise the kids. She raised concerns about how vulnerable a position it is and that
    via u/Huge_Association_249
  • 05
    she doesn't want to solely depend on him for money. He wanted me to talk to her and convince her by telling her how it worked out for me. I said I understood where she was coming from, and being a housewife is incredibly risky and vulnerable, especially if he leaves her and she's been out of the labour force for a while. He
    via u/Huge_Association_249
  • 06
    countered that it had worked for his father and I because I trusted him as my husband to provide for me and why couldn't his wife do the same? I told him I have a meticulous record of all contributions I have ever made to the family business - recently digitised with the help of my daughter so that if we worst - ever happened, I wouldn't be relying on the mercy of a man to feed myself. I told him I have
    via u/Huge_Association_249
  • 07
    made many contingency plans over the years to minimise the risk of being a housewife and compensate for my lack of pension and benefits I'd have had had I not left the labour force. My son and husband were angered my this. Both said it showed a lack of trust, and my husband especially feels I've had 'one foot out the door' our entire
    via u/Huge_Association_249
  • 08
    marriage and that my 'little escape plan' included plans to 'shaft him of his business'. I told him the fact that he refers to it as 'his' business rather than 'ours' is exactly why I kept those records and why I won't be telling my daughter in law to do what she doesn't want to do.
    via u/Huge_Association_249
  • 09
    AITA? note - it's late here so I'm going to respond in the morning. thank you. good morning! thank you for your engagement. i have read and responded to as many comments as i'm able. thank you for sharing your perspectives and 99% of you
    via u/Huge_Association_249
  • 10
    being really polite! i'm going away for a spa weekend with the women in my family this weekend so i'm going to use that time to reflect and decide how to proceed.
    via u/Huge_Association_249
  • 11
    take care edit we have arrived at the spa! ended up being me and my daughters (inc by marriage!) so it's going to be a good weekend to chat freely about this.
    via u/Huge_Association_249
  • 12
    thank you for deciding i'm not the a! my daughters read the thread and also feel i'm not in the wrong. i'll continue to periodically engage if i see something but for the most part i'm going to spend quality time with my girls and relax! bye for now
    via u/Huge_Association_249
  • 13
    Cheezburger Image 10455794944
    via Dan Gold on Unsplash+

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 14

    Commenters thought this woman had everything squared away

    ChibiSailorMercu... NTA. That's legal savvyness right there. What do men obtain out of getting their wives to entirely throw their financial security into the wind? Barring separation and divorce, what happens to the wife if the husband dies
    via u/ChibiSailorMercury
  • 15
    unexpectedly? Does she throw herself in a fire? End up living in the streets because the husband provided and now there is no provider and she has no savings, no plan? And what is this modern obsession for tradwives? in societies where it takes two salaries to care for a family?
    via u/ChibiSailorMercury
  • 16
    Son is A for not respecting his fiancée/wife's wishes. What if SHE wanted him to be a househusband? What gives him the right to demand of her what she won't give?
    via u/ChibiSailorMercury
  • 17
    Husband is A for not understanding that protecting yourself from very possible hardships that have very practical ramifications has nothing to do with not trusting him. It has to do with self- preservation.
    via u/ChibiSailorMercury

    It's an odd reaction from her husband: as this person points out, the husband immediately assumed his wife wanted to leave him, instead of just having savings to care for the kids in an emergency. Why would think she wants to "escape"? I'm giving him a big side-eye over here… keep that money close, u/Huge_Association_249!

  • 18
    Special_Lychee_... I told him the fact that he refers to it as 'his' business rather than 'ours' is exactly why I kept those records and why I won't be telling my daughter in law to do what she doesn't want to do. Ha! Lady, you're a rock star!
    via u/Special_Lychee_6847
  • 19
    Ain't it funny, that's it's always 'you should just blindly trust me' and when you then make sure you're not screwed over, they're upset that they don't get to screw you over. My father would've beamed with pride, if my mom would've done something like this.
    via u/Special_Lychee_6847
  • 20
    NTA There's a post floating. around on here, with a lot of updates. Something like 'AITA for not accepting my bf's marriage proposal, after 25 years' or something like that. That OP was a SAHM, without being married, because her partner 'didn't want to have the government involved in their relationship, blah blah'. Yeah, so... she ended up in a homeless shelter, if I recall correctly.
    via u/Special_Lychee_6847

  • This woman did the right thing by warning her daughter-in-law, too. Neither her son nor husband should've been upset by that common sense advice, so it's interesting to observe those reactions. 

  • 21
    T... NTA and I find it SO weird when men react like this, especially your husband! like what, is he mad that he couldn't just divorce you scot free if he wanted ??? And if he's not going to divorce you then why does he care so much?
    via u/TallLoss2

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Tags

family drama aita marriage kids mother traditional family daughter son Father
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